Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
pray to the hookup gods
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
