Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
