North Korea, Best Korea!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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