she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
