I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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