ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
