marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
