i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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