I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
