It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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