You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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