eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
