I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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