I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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