He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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