I hate all girls vehemently.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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