he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
