uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize