I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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