I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
