The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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