i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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