i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
