I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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