Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
