wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
