My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
