It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
