threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
