I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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