Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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