i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize