hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
