Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
