Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
