i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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