so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
