after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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