So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
