It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
