i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
