my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
