thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Randomize
