He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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