I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
