it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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