I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
