Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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