they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
