i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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