I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
