You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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