idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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