Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
