I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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