im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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