I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
