Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You've changed since you got that strap on
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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