remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Randomize
