D3 body, D1 cock
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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