my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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