We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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