i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
