He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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