Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
