dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
God, I missed his penis.
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