so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
