i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My vagina just clenched in fear
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I had to cum in my sink.
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