my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
