"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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