her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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