I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
