Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
