I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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