my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
