He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
