What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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