I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
