Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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