Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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