Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
