now i know why i became what i already was.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
