Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
