I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
