So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
