no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
