i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
