i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Someone came in the potted fern
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
