Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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