girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
