Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
