I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
