The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize