Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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