Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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