Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Rumble strips road head = magical
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
