and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
