ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
